Yoga for Anxiety, Part 2: The Breath

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By Laura Kacere, reprinted with permission from Cathartic Space Counseling

Noticing our breath goes hand-in-hand with mindfulness, which I spoke about it Part 1 of this blog. In fact, intentionally changing the way we breathe is, some would say, at the core of a physical yoga practice. Breathing is also an incredibly effective strategy for managing anxiety.

When you experience anxiety, you may find that your breath moves very quickly, with short and shallow breaths, or you may find yourself holding your breath, particularly during moments of increased tension. The way we breathe, in fact, has significant effects on our emotional and physical wellbeing. Shallow, irregular breathing can increase our heart rate and raise our blood pressure, while causing our mind to speed up. When our breath is full and regulated, our blood pressure and heart rates lower, balancing the nervous system and calming the mind. Long, slow exhales, in particular, stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, which is the part of the nervous system that prepares our body for rest.  

[A quick disclaimer: when doing breathing techniques, it is important to first consult a doctor if you have any breathing issues, like asthma. Take breath practices slow, especially if you’re new to them, and if you notice yourself becoming short of breath or lightheaded at any time, or you find yourself in any kind of pain, stop immediately and return to your normal breathing pattern.]

When you feel ready to try this practice, find a quiet place where you can sit comfortably or lay on the floor. Start by gently noticing where your breath is at this moment. Bringing some mindfulness toward your breath – keep a gentle awareness on how it feels and sounds, and just be curious about the places where you may be more open, or more tight and tense. Are you taking short, shallow breathes? How relaxed or tense do you feel, and where do you feel it? Is there a tightness in your chest? Are there places where you might be holding tension that are making it difficult for you to breathe smoothly and fully? Again, just notice what it happens in your body, without judgment. Perhaps you notice your body changing as you bring your awareness to it. Often when we bring our awareness to particular parts of the body where we store tension, we begin to automatically relax those spots.  

Breathing in and out through your nose, see if you can now intentionally soften parts of the face that may be holding tension. Now relax your shoulders, your chest, and your abdomen. If you’re having a difficulty time relaxing them on cue, try this: tighten the skin on your forehead before relaxing it, squeeze your eyes shut before softening them and so on for every part of the body as you move from head to toe, intentionally tightening, and then softening every muscle. Continue to breath as you do so, in and out through the nose.

Now that your body is a bit more relaxed, start to count the length of your inhales and exhales, keeping the breath through the nose if you can. Count for a few rounds of breath, and once you have a good idea of the general length of each, see if you slow down your exhales by a count of 1 (so if you typically exhaled to a count of 4, try exhaling to a count of 5). Keep the exhales longer than the inhales, make sure to breath all the way in at the top of your exhale before slowly extending and releasing the breath out on the exhale. Continue to do this over a few more breath cycles, at whatever pace feels right for you. When you’re ready, return to your normal breathing, and see if you notice any differences in your body and your mind. Allow yourself to sit in the effects of this practice before moving to something else.

If you felt comfortable doing this, you can continue to explore other breath practices, like 2-to-1 breathing and alternate nostril breathing when you’re ready. Breath practices like this one can greatly increase your emotional balance, and can be particularly helpful in moments of anxiety and stress to slow down the mind and bring you into your body and the present moment.

To read more about breath practices for anxiety, I recommend Bo Forbes’ book, Yoga for Emotional Balance.

And stay tuned for Part 3 of Yoga for Anxiety, where we’ll explore the asana, or poses, of yoga that can be most helpful for managing your anxiety.

Yoga For Anxiety, Part 1: Mindfulness

By Laura Kacere, reprinted with permission from Cathartic Space Counseling

You don’t have to be able to touch your toes to receive the benefits of this 5,000 year old practice. In fact, while yoga tends to be considered a form of physical exercise in the U.S., yoga has always been, at its core, a mental and spiritual practice, with the bulk of the work taking place in the mind. And it’s good for your mental health: increasing research is showing the benefits of yoga in relieving stress and anxiety, as well as depressionpost-traumatic stress, and more.

The three parts of this series will include the introductory parts of yoga: mindfulness, breathing, and movement. Although they can each be challenging in their own way, they are also accessible to most people. Mindfulness, or present moment awareness, is one thing you can start practicing right now, alongside psychotherapy, to help manage your anxiety.

We hear the word mindfulness in many different contexts these days, so much so that it may be confusing to pin down what it actually means. Mindfulness expert Jon Kabat-Zinn’s definition is well regarded, and I think, easiest to understand: Mindfulness simply means “paying attention in a particular way, on purpose, and without judgment, to the present moment.”

Sounds simple enough, right? But in today’s world of technology, we often find more ways to distract ourselves from the present moment than to actually tune into it. It can be even harder for those struggling with anxiety – when you experience anxiety, you may find yourself ruminating over events of the past, or worrying about potential events in the future. Bringing your awareness to the present moment, even just for a few minutes, may feel counter to your typical patterns (in a good way!) and can be incredibly beneficial. It can feel a bit weird at first, but see if can try this practice of bringing your awareness to this moment here in front of you.

Start by taking a moment and connecting with your senses. It can be as simple as noticing the colors of the trees as you walk down the sidewalk, or noticing the feeling of the hot water on your hands as you wash dishes, and breathing in a smell that you enjoy...anything to bring you fully into this moment right here.

The next step is to try this present moment awareness with your thoughts and feelings – noticing, without judgment, a rising feeling of sadness, frustration, joy, or worried thoughts. By recognizing these thoughts and feelings as they arise, you can start to separate from them a bit, and even allow them to pass you by, or flow through you like a wave, or float away like leaves flowing down a stream. You are not your thoughts, you are not your feelings, but it is okay to have them. This is often the hardest part – the non-judgment. Can you notice those thoughts and feelings without criticizing yourself for having them? Or perhaps just notice that critical voice, without identifying with it? Can you even introduce some gentle self-compassion for yourself alongside your awareness?

When it comes to the practice of mindfulness, especially mindfulness meditation, the most common thing I hear people say is, “I’m not doing this right.” Be patient with yourself. You will, inevitably, get caught up in a past moment, a thought, a feeling, a storyline – the point is not to not have these thoughts, but to gently bring yourself back to the present moment each time you notice them, to let it move on and begin again.

Mindfulness is an active and lifelong practice, not something you can master or achieve. But over time, with patient practice, mindfulness creates space to let go of our tight hold on our worries and thoughts, as well as of the constant distractions and avoidance strategies we use to keep ourselves out of the present moment, and it brings us into it. As scary as the present moment can seem, when we meet it head on, just as it is, we may find that we stop fighting with it, arguing with our thoughts and emotions. When we stop trying to control everything, we can start to build acceptance, and with acceptance, you may find that you’re better able to soften and open up to the beauty of the moment right in front you.

Learn more about mindfulness in Jon Kabat Zinn’s book, Wherever You Go, There You Are and explore Kristen Neff’s mindful self-compassion exercises here.  

And stay tuned for Part 2 of Yoga for Anxiety: the Breath.

5 Ways to Support A Loved One Who is Transitioning

By Laura Kacere, reprinted with permission from Cathartic Space Counseling

The process of transitioning one’s gender identity can bring up a whole host of physical and emotional experiences for the person engaging in the transition, as well as for those around them.  Everyone’s experience is different, but often some of the most challenging and rewarding parts of a transition can be the reactions from one’s family, friends, and larger community. Receiving social support is so important when one goes through any big life change, but particularly when someone comes out as transgender, in part because of the many systemic challenges a person can face when attempting to transition. Whether they’re your friend, family member, or partner, here are 5 ways you can support your loved one as they transition. (For the purpose of inclusivity, I will use the pronouns they/them in this article).

1. Use the language they have asked you to use

When someone is first coming out as transgender, it’s not uncommon for them to request that others begin using a different name and pronoun to refer to them going forward. It can be challenging for some to make this change at first, but do your best to use the pronouns and name they have requested, even when your loved one is not around. This is an important part of validating your loved one’s identity and respecting their experience. It might feel like a small thing, but it can feel incredibly hurtful and invalidating to the person when they hear the wrong pronouns used, especially if this is the first part of their transition. Remember that it may have taken a lot of courage to make this request of you.

At the same time, be mindful of who you talk to about your loved one’s transition; the process of coming out can be an arduous one, and it is ultimately up to them how and with whom to share news of their transition. Do NOT out your loved one without their consent. This significantly disempowers them, and can have severe consequences, like harming a relationship or putting someone’s job in jeopardy. Coming out can be difficult and terrifying enough; support your loved one’s choices in how to do so.

2. Respect their process

There is no “right way” to transition, and everyone transitions at their own speed, and in their own way. Be aware of your own assumptions and expectations you may have of them. For example, your loved may or may not choose to make medical/physical changes, like starting hormones or getting gender re-assignment surgery. Recognize that you don’t always have to understand the process of their transition in order to support them.

While some may have known for years, even decades, what they want and need as they transition, the process may be more exploratory for others. Be patient. Transitioning doesn’t happen overnight; it’s a process, one that can take longer for some, and still others may not even have an endpoint of their transition at all. In fact, a transition doesn’t always have to mean transitioning from one gender to the other; it can also mean exploring different parts of the gender spectrum over time, or staying somewhere in the middle. Allow your loved one to make the transition their own.

3. Offer to help

Many aspects of transitioning can be intimidating - from medical changes, like starting hormones, to legal identity changes, like changing the gender marker and name on a driver’s license, to aspects of gender expression, like picking out new clothes – there is often a lot of that goes into the transition process, and it can be overwhelming. There can also a lot of vulnerability in seeking these services, and finding a doctor who is trans-affirmative, for example, can be challenging. Ask what you can do to help them navigate this process and help your loved one connect with the larger transgender community for more support.

4. Take care of yourself

While it’s necessary to recognize that this transition is theirs, and not yours, it’s also important to acknowledge your own reactions to your loved one’s transition, and to give yourself the space to process your own experience of the transition, ideally with a therapist. It’s not uncommon to experience what can feel like a grieving process, especially if you’ve known this person for a long time. For your loved one, the process of transitioning can feel like they are finally able to express themselves authentically, and they may feel detached and even dislike for their old way of presenting, or their old “self.” At the same time, you may feel that you’re losing someone, and may experience symptoms of sadness, grief; you may feel betrayed or angry or distrustful, and that’s okay. Recognize that what you’re going through is valid, while also recognizing that you’re responsible for those feelings.  Seek support from friends and family, and find a trans-affirmative therapist who can help you take care of yourself throughout this process. Giving yourself the space to process your emotional reactions to your loved one’s transition will also help you be a better support to them, and will ultimately likely strengthen your relationship.

5. Advocate for the transgender community

Transgender people, while thankfully gaining in visibility and political support, also continue to experience immense amounts of systemic and interpersonal violence and oppression. Your loved one may now have less legal protections, and are more likely to experience discrimination, harassment, and barriers to adequate health care, employment, housing, and more. It is immensely important that that we fight for the rights of transgender people. But if you haven’t already been a part of this fight for equality, now is a good time to start. Show your loved one that you care about the systemic inequalities they may now face by educating yourself on policies and other challenges affecting trans people. Show up at rallies, write your legislators, speak out, and stand up in support of the transgender community.

Resources:

Transequality.orgKnow Your Rights and Supporting the Transgender People In Your Life

Gender Spectrum, which provides resources and support for transgender children, teens, and their families

Gender Unicorn, the much beloved unicorn that helps us understand the spectrum and fluidity of gender and sexuality